Sex After Giving Birth

And then it happened… I had sex after one birth and 3,5 months of radio silence.

This, my friends, is an important topic so I’m breaking my semi-silence to talk about it.

Some background:

You might not know this about me, but I happen to believe that healing repressed sexuality is one of the most important topics when it comes to empowerment around just about anything: ending violence, making money, pleasure, power, the pursuit of happiness, being successful and more.

As you might have noticed, I’m a very sexual person. What does that mean? Well, for me it means I have a lot of energy that can do a bunch of things: make me feel alive and pleasure filled, get other people to feel stuff (some damn good stuff, men and women alike just from being near me), create things and so on.

I also have had a TON of issues around my sexuality: I’ve been ABUSED; by media, men and myself. I’ve been CONFUSED by porn culture, collective women’s history, my teen years and much more. My sexual power is an unraveling mystery that I guess I will explore for the rest of my life…

Enter pregnancy.

I knew from experience what kind of wounding you can pick up from being conceived in a traumatized body and wanted to make sure my child didn’t have to deal with as much shit as I had, consequently I did a bunch of work and sexual healing around it and that was extremely enlightening and empowering for me. (Thank you Elizabeth!!!)

From the people in the birth world I heard that six weeks is when you get cleared to have sex. Fortunately, I also have a ton of evolved women in my sphere that told me that it’s different for everyone and I should listen to my body. So I did that. Brownie points for me!

Here are some key takeaways that I hope can be helpful for men and women contemplating sex after baby is born:

Lesson 1. Make lovemaking a priority

Having a new baby can be quite taxing, so unless you make sexytime a priority I think I would have gone a lot longer to have sex than I did. It’s like I got easily sucked into the amoebic experience of motherhood where time is fluid and baby can consume everything in her wake of I’m not careful.

Lesson 2: Don’t make motherhood non sensual!

Many a time I heard: Your breast will just be feeding machines and you won’t want your partner playing with them! While this may be true for some women, it most certainly was not true for me. Personally I find breastfeeding to be quite sensual. And I allow myself to feel deep pleasure from my baby’s suckling. I can surf the amazing hormones my body produces while nursing, and also while massaging them in the shower, thanking them for their service. And I love when KB does the same and they can take a break from being just feeding machines. I think women might object to having their breasts caressed while also nursing if the partner is doing it to get something, then it’s just too much to have to provide for the little baby AND the big baby… So, lesson for partner would be to give praise, love and calm affection and gain their pleasure from that.

Lesson 3: Praise be to the female genitalia!

Giving birth is a fucking big deal! Pushing a baby through your body is no joke, not to mention the time carrying around an extra 30-40 lbs and the hormonal changes AND the post birth time! Everything is just in weird places and feel stretched and painful. It’s actually terrible and I cannot believe that anyone is in good shape just 6 weeks after that beastly ordeal (pregnancy, birth, postpartum!) but at some point… Enter sex! Let’s say you feel ready to try at sexing. Yes, of course go slow and communicate with your partner, but one thing that I found deeply healing was for my vajayjay to get some serious verbal praise and appreciation! That acknowledgement is a big deal and I highly recommend it to all copulating coupes!

I mean, there’s more hot stuff that I could share, but I’ll end it here to go snuggle my little family. Thank you for being on this journey with me and remember to give some love to a vagina near you. Your comments and thoughts are welcome here.

Love,